I’ve said before that I’ve been broody for a long time. I felt I was ready for children before my partner & I started a relationship but obviously, I wasn’t going to compromise anything at the time & I was still finishing my studies at college. When we found out we were expecting Podge 5 years into our relationship, I was over the moon to say the least. It was everything I’d hoped for, especially after all of the troubles we faced with PCOS & contraceptive issues. During the pregnancy though, I still felt incredibly broody. My child would be born soon & I just wanted him/her here right now. And then another. It didn’t take long after he had entered our lives that I felt ready for the experience again.
I LOVED being pregnant. Even through any complaints, it was mostly such a great experience. I had no sickness, no complications (other than slight pre-eclampsia towards the end), my bump was growing wonderfully. Even my evenings were spent relaxing after tea & playing with bump in the bath or just giving a lovely massage (baby really seemed to like that & was rolling around like crazy!) But I wanted my baby here then, or at least, I’d have been more than happy with a babe in my arms & still having a bump to love and play with. I know it’s something I would experience again in a heartbeat. My labour didn’t go quite as planned either but it was perfect, to have little Podge in my arms and to become a family of 3.
It was from when Bear was coming up to 1 year old, I realised just how ready I actually was to have another. Thinking about how he’d been in our lives for a whole year & looking back on newborn/young baby pictures of him just made me miss that time so much. I could happily have my newborn baby again, all snuggly and innocently sweet. Or another?
Right now, I am the readiest I’ve been for another baby in a long time. I crave for a tiny baby to cuddle & care for. Don’t get me wrong, I love bear more than anything, he is my absolute world. But I’ve realised, there is room in my heart to love another just how much I love him. He’s at the age where he is crawling, cruising, rolling, standing and climbing. He tries to move away from me as quickly as possible and he doesn’t stay still for nappy/outfit changes (or much else for that matter, his new fave is to try and turn around in his pram so he can potentially climb out of it). He’s just so fiercely independent and clever and I love watching him learning and growing. But he doesn’t need me as much anymore. And I think that’s what I crave the most. Having another tiny, innocent little baby to care for and who needs me constantly.
But is it the right time?
My body, my head & my heart are ready, but are we actually ready for another baby. We’re not in a house we love, we rent & don’t have a garden, it has 2 bedrooms so it’s not perfect for growing children ideally. We don’t have much money and we’re unable to save much right now, yes we have some bits left over from Bear (particularly bigger items like the pram/crib/cot/toys etc) but there will still be things we will need like a play gym, bouncer seat, clothes. Obviously those are bits we could get secondhand so we could definitely save money there, but do we have it available? Currently, we only have one income into the house and I work 30 hours a week so I’d definitely need to pick up some work for extra pennies. But that compromises how much time I have with Bear & childcare.
So practically it’s just not really the best decision for us right now but my heart is seriously fighting it. How do you know when you’re ready & how do you work it out?