Before I even became a parent myself, I would see how others parented their children or see how society was changing and things becoming more mainstream etc and think “I would never do that with my children”. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this either. And it’s not to be crazy judgemental or to doubt anyone’s parenting skills. Before you become a parent, I’m sure most people don’t even have much of an idea of how children are at different ages; what they’re into? how they act? what will they be like? and so when we see others in passing or on our Facebook timelines with children, we’re simply observing and making our own ideals and how we would like to parent from what we’ve seen; maybe we’ve seen something really incredible which we feel will be amazing with our children, or we’ve seen something we immediately think “no, I couldn’t”.
From when we found out we had a tiny human on the way, we had thought long and hard about childcare (after all of the other baby related stuff that clouds over your brain). We came to the conclusion that when our child turned 2, we would look for a childminder as we thought we would also get the 15hrs free. Unfortunately (in some cases) we don’t qualify for the free 15hrs but also, the decision on childcare has taken a turn.
As a mum of an almost 2 year old (no, YOU’RE getting emotional) I feel like I’ve adapted pretty well to the parenting business. I’ve also learnt a bloody lot. About pregnancy, newborns, babies and toddlers (though not all toddlers of course haha!) Though I’ve found as tough as parenting can be, there are some brilliant moments and each day is never the same.
First things first, this post is in no way intended to shame, criticise or put down any other mums or dads or guardians of tiny humans. I’ve been feeling really crappy lately about life, parenting, myself and all the other bits in between & I’ve just really needed a boost so much. The thing is, the best and most positive thing in my life is Bear. I might get frustrated, I might lose my shit, I might cry. But he honestly completes me in so many ways. He’s turned me into the kind of person I never ever thought I could be. Responsible, selfless, a mother. He makes me so happy (the majority of the time) and I just wanted to document it. A little something for me to read when I’m feeling like I’m failing and brings a little sunshine amongst all of the rain everywhere.
Oh little bear, sometimes you break my heart, and my sanity. I love you so damn much it hurts, but this last leap has been so testing.
Having a 15 month old, I’m pretty used to these mental leaps, growth spurts, the testing times. But this recent one, has brought me to tears, mentally & emotionally exhausted me & wondered ‘what the fuck even is this?!‘ We are now seeing light at the end of the tunnel, ’cause we all know we get there somehow right?! But one thing is for certain, while I was struggling to figure out why my toddler just wanted to bite me, push the boundaries, and whinge more than Bing Bunny does in the space of an 8 minute episode, I knew it would be over soon, and gosh did I wish I drank more wine (it was most certainly needed).