It feels like just yesterday I was stuck on the maternity ward for a week being induced to then have my waters broken and deliver this beautiful little human. I can’t believe that he’s 4 months old today. Seriously, where does the time go? I blink and another week has flown by.
Since the age of around 18, I knew I wanted to be a mummy. That year I’d just come out of a relationship and gotten into a new one but my body was telling me it was ready. I just had to settle down with someone first, I wouldn’t have wanted to just have a baby and complicate anything no matter how much my heart was telling me so. I’d also struggled through adolescence and had a pretty horrific time in my early teens so to feel ready so soon definitely confused me a bit. I hadn’t done much in my life, I’d never travelled or partied the night away or anything peers my age were doing. I knew I had to tell Alex to get it off my chest that I was just feeling so broody in general and he really understood. Obviously it was the wrong time for us to plan having a child but knowing he knew how I was feeling was just a massive weight off my chest. I was also very good at controlling it.
Together we’ve struggled through a lot during our relationship and come on top even stronger so of course we were really happy to start a family together. Though it did start to become a little frustrating as I was getting older and I knew how important a family was to me but that didn’t stop us trying. No we weren’t necessarily financially ready but we were emotionally and mentally and that was really important to us.
After a year of trying, a week away to his mums in Scotland and a bit of frustration, I found out we were expecting on the day of the 4th week of my cycle. I remember it clearly, I was on a split shift at work doing a 7-8 call then going home and returning for a 2-7 shift. Well, I felt so ill that morning. I’d gotten to work fine but after a while I started to feel really dizzy and lightheaded. My tummy felt like it was in knots and I was trying to keep hydrated to get me through the shift. After using pregnancy tests every month with no luck, something told me that now was the time. So once my shift had finished I popped to my local b&m on the way home to pick up a couple of tests. I went home and had a bit of a sleep first as I was exhausted and felt so ill. The minute I woke up, I ran to the bathroom to do a test. It was positive! I couldn’t believe it at all despite how I’d felt and my body was telling me something was going on. I was so excited and a little nervous to begin my pregnancy journey I just couldn’t wait!
And now here we are. I’m lay in bed on holiday cuddling my little 4 month old boy while he sleeps. I’d never imagined how happy and full of love I could feel for another human being. He really does fill me with so much joy and hope that I can do this, I can care for him and help him to be the best that he can be. I could honestly not imagine my life without him. No matter what happens around us, I know we’ve got each other. And I know he admires me just as much as I adore him (does anyone else just love the way babies look at you while you’re feeding or caring for them, such a heart warming moment). But yeah, this was a soppy post but I’m just feeling so emotional that I now have a 4 month old. I’m so excited for what the future holds for us and I hope he will always need his mummy as my heart needs him 🙂